Between the ages of about, let’s say, 18 to 26, is there a bigger wake up call one can receive than the death of a parent?

You are old enough to understand responsibility and capable of taking it on. You just hadn’t needed to until now. Now, growing up happens at a hyper accelerated speed. There are just SO many things you had no clue about, but now have to learn in double quick time. On your own.

This must be especially true in the event of the death of the father in conventional middle class families. He’s the decision maker; he’s made all the investments, the insurance policies, the bank loans, the purchases, the debts, the savings, down to the personal relationships he’s developed with plumbers and electricians – all of which you probably know very little about. Apart from the immense grief of the loss, there are all these other mountains to be scaled. And they must be scaled, because, in all probability, there are still people depending on someone taking charge. And a young adult who manages to do this successfully would rate bloody high on my respect chart.

I think, whatever age you are, the death of both parents leaves you alone. Spouse, children, a successful career, a comfortable life…they help, no doubt, but loss and grief are always personal. Always.

I have, some might say, radical views on procreation, the idea of parenting, and more recently, baby selling (not swapping; and to childless couples). But I still have to get them in order, for I was unable to defend them in a discussion. I know my philosophy on life. I believe everyone has one – most just don’t know it yet. I know the essence of mine, but I haven’t explained it to another in so long, I hope I haven’t forgotten how to! The only way one’s ideas are strengthened (or changed, if you have an open mind) are through discussion against opposing views. But all this is for another time. This is about parents.

For all our incompatibilities, fights, misunderstandings and periods of minimal communication, I would be very lost without my parents. In the immortal words of Siddhartha Basu on the Britannia Child Genius programme,

“Thank you. Thank you both.”