My bike ad...and the howlarious responses.
I am planning to sell my bike. I put up an ad on another forum. This is my ad and the tale of what has happened so far...
" Bike for sale
I guess this is as good a forum as any.
I would like to sell my bike. The details are as follows.
Hero Honda Splendor, Black, 99 September model. 34000 km done. It is in excellent driving condition. All original parts, very regularly serviced. New battery, clutch plates and rear wheel tube. With accessories - saree guard and tail light guard. Believe me, these accessories are a must. I've seen people refuse to buy a tail light guard because it doesn't look 'cool' or something, but I think it makes the bike look coolER. And I've seen brand new bikes get tail lights broken because some moron behind in traffic didn't brake in time. I believe some of the newer bikes don't even have this facility - the guy in the Honda showroom (for the Unicorn) didn't even KNOW what a tail light guard was.
These two accessories alone cost more than 500 bucks now.
It's been single user throughout. It's difficult to know the value of that fact, but people who know how careful a rider I am will vouch for it. Even after 5 years, the bike gives a mileage of 60, at least, in city driving conditions and 70 on highways. The pickup is not too bad, and does really well with a single rider. Of course, the pickup drops with pillion, but hey, it's a 100 cc 4-stroke bike - it has its limitations!
Lastly, I believe the number means a lot to some people, so I'll put that here too. I'm told it's a 'fancy number' - AP10 M 7008.
The asking price is Rs 25,000 and I've reached this figure after checking out quite a few other Splendors on the second hand market. I honestly believe my bike is worth it.
If anyone is interested, they are most welcome to contact me and check out the bike. Please leave your phone number and/or email id in the comments section, or mail me at theprocrastinator@rediffmail.com
I am looking to sell within the next week or two - I will be putting an ad in the papers as well. So if you're interested, let me know asap! "
A simple ad, wouldn't you say? To the point and relevant. I honestly believed some halfway intelligent people would respond. I could not have imagined I would receive the kind of responses I did in the comments column. On Austra's suggestion, Im posting them here, for your general mirth and side-splitting pleasure.
"Can I have the bike redone in cornflour blue ?" [Posted by Richard]
Last I remember, cornflour was white...moron
"I want a number plate with ...786 in it. Can you help me ?" Posted by Wajid
Err..I dunno about that man. I can't just paint over the OFFICIAL LEGAL registration number now, can I?
"Hyderabad ka loga, yeh bike math khareedna. Main iska bike ka service karta hoon ( har saal ke baad ) aur iska cundeeshun bahuth kharaab hain. Mujhe kabhi aisa lagta hain ke isne bike ki Maa Behen Ek Kar Di." [Posted by Abdul Mechanic]
This is almost certainly from a guy I knew from college. We were never great friends, and he never quite had the balls to be upfront about it. Underhanded, backbiting, always looking to get an insult or snide remark in edgewise. I pity such people...I'm sorry your life went down the shithole 'mate', but there you go...what goes around comes around.
"I have old CDs of Pamela Andersen, as well as the entire series of Kkusum. I'm willing to trade them all for a set of the latest Pokemon 3D cards. [Posted by Nitin-bhai]
One Grey colour Philips iron, 1987 model. Excellent condition, used sparingly ( i hardly ever iron my clothes ), but mostly used upside down for frying eggs. ( i live in a hostel )Willing to trade it for a table fan, or Rs 500 cash. [Posted by Mahadevan]
FOR SALE : Kinetic Honda, sparingly used. Driven by Lady Doctor, 2001 model, new tires, music system, single owner, hyderabad showroom. Rs 21,000 ( negotiable.) Owner going abroad. Must sell today. [Posted by Srinu]
Do you have any old BCom text books ? I'd be willing to buy editions not earlier than 2000. [Posted by ShivaKumar]
Anyone have back issues of Tinkle ( 1985 and earlier ), and willing to trade for Chandamama ? [Posted by Varun] "
.........I have....no words. May God have mercy on your dumbass souls. How do ya make it out of the door in the mornings? Watch out for that 'walking' thing...oooh, tricky stuff...*rolling eyes* Maybe I'm being too mean here, but c'mon! It's a post. On a personal blog. I'm not inviting you to sell on this space, am I? And I don't seem to remember advertising ANYthing other than a bike...dayamn, some people...
"Sir, is the Procrastinator like another Bajaj model similar to Eliminator ? [Posted by Prasad]"
Ok, at a verrrry long shot, might be a genuine question, but Prasad saar, did u just happen to miss the '@' sign after the name, as it appears in the advertisement? Followed by the 'rediffmail.com'? Surely the '.com' MUST have given you SOME clue? No? Sheesh.
"Is it a ladies bike or a gents bike ? [Posted by Suzy the Suzuki]"
Again, just might be genuine, but with a name like that? Suzy the Suzuki?? Careful beta, dont hurt yourself getting onto your Suzuki. Did you put the coins into the slot in the machine that makes it go Vrrooooomm??
Holy Crapola. What the friggin hell was all that? Is today National Nincompoop day??
Fuck o la.
I really don't know what to think.
But there were some smartass comments as well. I can appreciate the sheer sense of humour though. I can always take a good joke, even if it's on me.
"Just hang on a sec, Let me work out the math here :
34000 km in 5 years is 6800 km a year, which works out to 566 km a month assuming you havent taken annual leave for the last 5 years - in which case it would be more.
That works out to 24 km a day ( you work a 5 day week ).
I checked with the RTA and they gave me an address of xxxxx, and I know you work in xxxx, which is like 2 km one way.
How on earth did you manage to clock the kind of distances you claim Mr Speedy Gonzalez ?
Therefore one of the following must be true :
1) You gave a fake address to the RTA.
2) You gave a fake office address to me.
3) You do not own a Splendor.
4) You forgot to put a decimal point somewhere.
5) You belong to a biker gang that cruises around the city all day long in leather jackets drinking Irani chai and smoking Charminar cigarettes.
And so mom says i mustnt buy anything that you try to sell me. ( Including that inflatable rubber doll you were trying to sell me last week ).
[Posted by Anik the Geek]"
LOL. Bravo. At least the sense of humour I like. Obviously someone who knows a lil something about me. Im not going to bother replying to the qtn here - if someone is really interested in clarifications about the faulty assumptions, I can discuss it
There were a couple of genuine enquiries, which I really appreciated, and have gotten in touch with them. None of the flamers had the balls to leave their real names, and I know the names they did leave dont exist on the forum where it was posted. This is because they probably know I can flame their asses to hells that they didnt even know existed. How sad man, how pathetic. No moral courage. I can't bring myself to waste even anger on you lot.
By the way, the advertisement at the beginning of this post still stands. If anyone is interested in the bike, please let me know.
" Bike for sale
I guess this is as good a forum as any.
I would like to sell my bike. The details are as follows.
Hero Honda Splendor, Black, 99 September model. 34000 km done. It is in excellent driving condition. All original parts, very regularly serviced. New battery, clutch plates and rear wheel tube. With accessories - saree guard and tail light guard. Believe me, these accessories are a must. I've seen people refuse to buy a tail light guard because it doesn't look 'cool' or something, but I think it makes the bike look coolER. And I've seen brand new bikes get tail lights broken because some moron behind in traffic didn't brake in time. I believe some of the newer bikes don't even have this facility - the guy in the Honda showroom (for the Unicorn) didn't even KNOW what a tail light guard was.
These two accessories alone cost more than 500 bucks now.
It's been single user throughout. It's difficult to know the value of that fact, but people who know how careful a rider I am will vouch for it. Even after 5 years, the bike gives a mileage of 60, at least, in city driving conditions and 70 on highways. The pickup is not too bad, and does really well with a single rider. Of course, the pickup drops with pillion, but hey, it's a 100 cc 4-stroke bike - it has its limitations!
Lastly, I believe the number means a lot to some people, so I'll put that here too. I'm told it's a 'fancy number' - AP10 M 7008.
The asking price is Rs 25,000 and I've reached this figure after checking out quite a few other Splendors on the second hand market. I honestly believe my bike is worth it.
If anyone is interested, they are most welcome to contact me and check out the bike. Please leave your phone number and/or email id in the comments section, or mail me at theprocrastinator@rediffmail.com
I am looking to sell within the next week or two - I will be putting an ad in the papers as well. So if you're interested, let me know asap! "
A simple ad, wouldn't you say? To the point and relevant. I honestly believed some halfway intelligent people would respond. I could not have imagined I would receive the kind of responses I did in the comments column. On Austra's suggestion, Im posting them here, for your general mirth and side-splitting pleasure.
"Can I have the bike redone in cornflour blue ?" [Posted by Richard]
Last I remember, cornflour was white...moron
"I want a number plate with ...786 in it. Can you help me ?" Posted by Wajid
Err..I dunno about that man. I can't just paint over the OFFICIAL LEGAL registration number now, can I?
"Hyderabad ka loga, yeh bike math khareedna. Main iska bike ka service karta hoon ( har saal ke baad ) aur iska cundeeshun bahuth kharaab hain. Mujhe kabhi aisa lagta hain ke isne bike ki Maa Behen Ek Kar Di." [Posted by Abdul Mechanic]
This is almost certainly from a guy I knew from college. We were never great friends, and he never quite had the balls to be upfront about it. Underhanded, backbiting, always looking to get an insult or snide remark in edgewise. I pity such people...I'm sorry your life went down the shithole 'mate', but there you go...what goes around comes around.
"I have old CDs of Pamela Andersen, as well as the entire series of Kkusum. I'm willing to trade them all for a set of the latest Pokemon 3D cards. [Posted by Nitin-bhai]
One Grey colour Philips iron, 1987 model. Excellent condition, used sparingly ( i hardly ever iron my clothes ), but mostly used upside down for frying eggs. ( i live in a hostel )Willing to trade it for a table fan, or Rs 500 cash. [Posted by Mahadevan]
FOR SALE : Kinetic Honda, sparingly used. Driven by Lady Doctor, 2001 model, new tires, music system, single owner, hyderabad showroom. Rs 21,000 ( negotiable.) Owner going abroad. Must sell today. [Posted by Srinu]
Do you have any old BCom text books ? I'd be willing to buy editions not earlier than 2000. [Posted by ShivaKumar]
Anyone have back issues of Tinkle ( 1985 and earlier ), and willing to trade for Chandamama ? [Posted by Varun] "
.........I have....no words. May God have mercy on your dumbass souls. How do ya make it out of the door in the mornings? Watch out for that 'walking' thing...oooh, tricky stuff...*rolling eyes* Maybe I'm being too mean here, but c'mon! It's a post. On a personal blog. I'm not inviting you to sell on this space, am I? And I don't seem to remember advertising ANYthing other than a bike...dayamn, some people...
"Sir, is the Procrastinator like another Bajaj model similar to Eliminator ? [Posted by Prasad]"
Ok, at a verrrry long shot, might be a genuine question, but Prasad saar, did u just happen to miss the '@' sign after the name, as it appears in the advertisement? Followed by the 'rediffmail.com'? Surely the '.com' MUST have given you SOME clue? No? Sheesh.
"Is it a ladies bike or a gents bike ? [Posted by Suzy the Suzuki]"
Again, just might be genuine, but with a name like that? Suzy the Suzuki?? Careful beta, dont hurt yourself getting onto your Suzuki. Did you put the coins into the slot in the machine that makes it go Vrrooooomm??
Holy Crapola. What the friggin hell was all that? Is today National Nincompoop day??
Fuck o la.
I really don't know what to think.
But there were some smartass comments as well. I can appreciate the sheer sense of humour though. I can always take a good joke, even if it's on me.
"Just hang on a sec, Let me work out the math here :
34000 km in 5 years is 6800 km a year, which works out to 566 km a month assuming you havent taken annual leave for the last 5 years - in which case it would be more.
That works out to 24 km a day ( you work a 5 day week ).
I checked with the RTA and they gave me an address of xxxxx, and I know you work in xxxx, which is like 2 km one way.
How on earth did you manage to clock the kind of distances you claim Mr Speedy Gonzalez ?
Therefore one of the following must be true :
1) You gave a fake address to the RTA.
2) You gave a fake office address to me.
3) You do not own a Splendor.
4) You forgot to put a decimal point somewhere.
5) You belong to a biker gang that cruises around the city all day long in leather jackets drinking Irani chai and smoking Charminar cigarettes.
And so mom says i mustnt buy anything that you try to sell me. ( Including that inflatable rubber doll you were trying to sell me last week ).
[Posted by Anik the Geek]"
LOL. Bravo. At least the sense of humour I like. Obviously someone who knows a lil something about me. Im not going to bother replying to the qtn here - if someone is really interested in clarifications about the faulty assumptions, I can discuss it
There were a couple of genuine enquiries, which I really appreciated, and have gotten in touch with them. None of the flamers had the balls to leave their real names, and I know the names they did leave dont exist on the forum where it was posted. This is because they probably know I can flame their asses to hells that they didnt even know existed. How sad man, how pathetic. No moral courage. I can't bring myself to waste even anger on you lot.
By the way, the advertisement at the beginning of this post still stands. If anyone is interested in the bike, please let me know.
spouted by Non-Sensei at 10/14/2004 03:39:00 AM
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