Alien Nation

Do you remember that series? It used to come on T.V. a long time ago, about how aliens had come to Earth in year so-and-so, and have now integrated into human society. Well, not completely integrated - they face suspicion, discrimination, and all the rest of it. The series used to follow the life of one alien family, where the father used to work in the police department, and his partner was a human. So we see them finding out about each other, learning to adjust to their differences...oh, the story's been told a million times...just with Blacks, or African -Americans, or Chinese or Indians, or talking dogs, or psychic parrots or....you get the idea... in the alien's role.

These kinds of stories tend to have interesting social commentaries, and are supposed to make people look at themselves and understand how they look at people who are different from themselves. Of course, all this was in the good ol' days of television, before Paris Hilton started actively soliciting sex in 'reality shows'. I don't remember much of the Alien Nation series, it used to come at an odd time, I think. I seem to remember it had a second season too, with newer types of aliens, and alien-human hybrids, who were ostracised by both communities. Somewhat like British Asians. But that rant another time.

I used to only like the music they had for the promos. They never had that music for the show, though. Dammit.

And as usual, I had a brilliant Non-Sensei revelation some time ago regarding alien abductions and all that. Strangely, the 'testing methods' reported by the 'abductees' seemed to by and large agree upon one aspect...

Anal Probing.

I’ve been wondering, during alien abductions, why would they want to stick a probe up the ass??
I’m thinking, to a presumably more intelligent species, would the head area not represent a region from where they are likely to learn more? I mean it has moving parts, the brain, it makes presumably communicative noises and gestures...it's almost a gimme that the head should provide more information.

What could make your average alien want to analyse the ass more than the head - let us try to understand. Could it be the fleshy cheeks? Maybe they poke around and think, 'Oooh, this looks interesting. Something so big and protruding must have some value. Maybe it contains the organism's smarts! Hmmm...now, how to get in....? Hey, look, what's this?" And the abductee might make a face like Orlando there's-ALWAYS-time-for-lubricant! Jones in "Evolution".

Maybe they just haven't gotten to the head yet, maybe they just found the ass first. Maybe alien species' first instinct is to stick metal rods up orifices. So they just stuck something up, and unintentionally delivered an enema. Maybe they went "Ooooh, look what happened when I put THIS in THERE...". Maybe the alien kids went "Yay! Again, again!" And they've kept doin' it ever since. Maybe they haven't yet discovered that large amounts of beer seems to have a similar effect on the other end of the body. Who can tell.

Maybe they just got freaked out by the head. Too many things there, makes noise, moves all on its own, even after repeated smacking to the sides to keep it quiet. Maybe they went "You know what, let's just start at the other end, shall we? Looks simple enough...stick Probe A into Orifice B. Now, then...where's that damn manual gone off to??Stanley! How many times have I told you..." And they've been stuck at Step 2 ever since.

Or maybe they just think it smells nice and the strong Perfume Manufacturers lobby in parliament is demanding details.

Who can tell?

I think maybe we sometimes credit extra – terrestrial 'intelligence' with more of it than they probably deserve.

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